


"Humanizing Arthur Morgan."

by Blue_Nox



Series: Lady May [2]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Arthur gets his hugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I suck at tagging, John being a little shit, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24936145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Nox/pseuds/Blue_Nox
Summary: Arthur is around 18 years old. May is around 16. Just when the gang was growing a little. John is still an annoying little shit. This takes place a few months after Arthur meets Mary. It goes back and forth between his journal entries and what’s happening real time. He’s a man of many emotions, just doesn’t know what to do with them. There’s also his strong feelings for Lady May but because of the family dynamic they weren’t acted upon.
Relationships: Arthur Morgan/May James, Arthur Morgan/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Lady May [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800985
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	"Humanizing Arthur Morgan."

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the second part of this lovely little tale. 
> 
> The more I write it out, the more I adore this relationship and I can't wait to see where it goes.

_Hidin’ around is a terrible thing. The knowing eyes of Dutch and Hosea always lookin’ at me when I come ridin’ back in. Sometimes, there’s a deer on the back of Nitro and sometimes there ain’t. They know where I’ve been and who I’ve been seeing but there is just something about her. She always smells like she’s been rollin’ around in a field of honeysuckle. She’s got a smile that gets me more drunk than any bottle of whiskey. She’s… everything._ There’s a heart drawn with AM loves MG written on the inside. 

“What you doing?” 

“Writing.” He does his best to make that single word sound more annoyed at her presence then he is. Sitting with his back against a tree; one leg bent and the other leg straight. 

“Well, I figured that much. You’ve been to see that girl again, ain’t ya?” 

May has always been the one to call Arthur out on just about anything. Ever since Dutch brought her in; nothing more than knees and fists but she was smart as a whip. Arthur had actually bonded with her faster than John, which May always thought it was because of some alpha male junk. Arthur felt threatened, even if he was practically better at everything. “It ain’t none of no one’s concern where I’ve been,” but there was a smile on his face as she plopped down on the ground beside him. 

“I reckon you like her.” She had a piercing set of purple eyes, the likes that no one had ever seen before. Little did anyone know that May was just a little bit jealous of that. From the first time that she’d meet Arthur Morgan she’d been his shadow. Those same eyes peeked over to see what he was writing and caught a glimpse of the sketch of her. “She’s pretty.” 

There was a flicker of sadness that crossed Arthur’s face before the journal was closed. “Don’t nobody want an outlaw.” He rose, shoving the journal in his satchel and dusting off his worn jeans. “Ain’t got nothin’ to give her that’s worth anything.” 

May was about to tell him that that wasn’t true but he walked off before she could, little John quickly bolted out from his tent and followed him with an endless amount of questions. May had been with this small groups since she was 12, being picked up when her family was murdered and she was left for dead. Annabelle had quickly taken the young girl under her wing, teaching her everything she would need to know and May looked up to her like a big sister. Annabelle had taught her about love. 

Bessie had taught her how to feel the pain losing her family had caused and refused to let that little girl tumble into darkness. 

Dutch helped teach her to read and write better. 

Hosea taught her how to shoot but only because she hounded him night and day about it. 

John taught her patience. 

Arthur caused butterflies and awkwardness but one couldn’t think of someone who had been like a brother to them like that. 

_I’m meeting Mary again tonight. I’m not sure what it is about that girl that makes my stomach flip. I feel like the luckiest man alive and a fool at the same time. Annabelle tells me that these are normal feelings. That if I truly like this girl, I should follow my heart but hell, there is no beauty for someone like me. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. Maybe if I start believing it, I might not get in too deep._

“You look nice.” 

Annabelle has a mirror in the tent that she and Dutch share. It’s long enough that a person can see their whole body in the image. Arthur adjusts the tie around his neck before he shuffles a little awkwardly and looks at himself again. “I’d lose the gun though. Might not make a good impression.” May can’t help but giggle a little at the look she gets before a gun belt is shoved at her. She takes it with a teasing bow and a smile. “I shall protect it with my life.” 

“Shut up.” It’s a light hearted scold. 

“Where you goin’ dressed like some fancy peacock?” Now that’s a scowl. Little John pops his head into the tent. “Ain’t no lady of high a strung nature gonna ever love a cowboy.” That’s when Arthur turns around and gives him a kick to his ass. Ever since they rescued John, he’d been a thorn in Arthur’s side, but at the same time, someone that Arthur felt very protective over. 

“I reckon you’ll understand one day, Marston.” His tone wasn’t harsh as John rubbed at his backside. May sat on the cot as John sat at her feet, both of them watching as Arthur looked himself over. He’d never been a vain man but there was some small part that wanted to make a good impression with Mary. “Ain’t never gonna let no lass tame me,” John huffs, crossing his arms. 

“Well, I hope you have a good time at least and I for one can’t wait to hear about it,” May gave a smile. There was a small part of her that wished Arthur would look like that for her one day but she wasn’t going to get her hopes up. 

Ten more minutes or so of Arthur looking over himself and making sure that the clothes he borrowed from Dutch looked okay and he smiled at them both. “Don’t wait up.” Leaving the tent, John looked at May confused. “What the hell does that mean?” May couldn’t help but laugh. 

_Yup, I’m a goddamn fool._ There’s a picture of him and Mary on the left side of his journal. The lantern in his tent is low so it does not bother anyone else. _Who was I to believe that I would ever be good enough for someone like her. I suppose it was fun while it lasted. A little bit of light in the darkness of the life of an outlaw._ The words on the page aren’t his usual writing, the curves are angry and hurt. _Her Daddy took one look at me and let his feelings be known that he does not like me. Not even a little. It’s been a long time since someone has made me feel that bad about myself; letting me know that he would never approve of myself and his daughter and that I would never be good enough._

The tie that he wore is slung across the table in front of his cot, the picture of his Mother staring back at him. _I’m never gonna feel like I’m good enough for anything or anyone. I’m never gonna be nothing more than what I was born into or what I was raised up with to be. No matter what, I’m always gonna be unwanted. She didn’t even try to stand up to her Daddy and I have never wanted to hit someone more than I did him tonight._

There was a noise behind him, a snapping twig and a sigh left his lips. Arthur already knew who it was and he didn’t stop the eyes from scanning over his words. May was the only one who ever got to see this side of Arthur, for reasons he didn’t even understand. 

“You know that’s not true.” 

“Do I?” He feels a little nod from the chin that is resting on his shoulder. “At least, I hope you would.” May felt him sigh heavily before his shoulders shrugged a little. Felt him tense up a little when he felt a small palm resting over his beating heart. “It’s what’s in here that counts. You ain’t what you are, Arthur Morgan.” A small kiss to the cheek and she retreats just as quickly as she appeared. 

A page is flipped, her words written on the top with a small drawing of her walking toward her own tent. Arthur took up a fondness for drawing at an early age, when Lyle had told him it was for sissy’s but he still did it when he could. In the sand, on the ends of newspapers. Arthur learned to draw before he learned to read or write. 

_Then there’s May… from the moment we saved her, she’s been a whirlwind. I reckon I’ve never seen anyone with that color eyes before. They remind me of those little wildflowers that grow in the springtime. I don’t know what made me trust her like I do, don’t know why I let her see a side of me that others don’t. I reckon, it’s because she ain’t gonna tell nobody. Tell ‘em that Arthur Morgan’s a soft bastard. I’m used to being teased but that, that’s not what I’m here for. Not really._ He looks at what he’s written for a moment and frowns. _When you’ve been beaten for being soft, for not being man enough to pull the trigger on a gun, that’s something that sticks with you._ There’s a lot in his past that he wishes he could forget, things that sometimes make him feel like he’s less than a man. Things that Lyle imprinted into his mind that not even Dutch van der Linde can erase but maybe… 

_I do love that girl. There’s a support and kindness from her that I have not known from anyone else. If things were different…_ He leaves it at that. He can’t afford to think about May like that. Can’t afford to think of her as anything other than a sister. Another sigh and the journal is closed, the lantern going out. 

Three days later, Mrs. Grimshaw hands Arthur a letter. Everything changes for a while.

*

Seasons come and go. May watches John grow up as she watches Arthur grow closer to Mary. The times when he comes into camp now are few and far between but he still comes home. He still helps with the work and making sure that their small family has everything they need. Arthur wouldn’t be Arthur if he were a homebody.

“Marriage?” It’s hushed whispers around Dutch’s tent one night. May can hear a delighted squeal from Annabelle and a small noise from Arthur, she’s hugged him. “I’ve always said that she is more then welcome to join our family.” 

She feels her heart sink a little. “What are you doing?” It’s John’s hoarse tone whispered behind her that makes her jump a little. 

“Shh. Arthur is getting married.”

“Huh,” and he curls his lip upwards a little. “That girl’s stuck up to ride with outlaws. He’s a damned fool.” May elbows him in the stomach. 

“They’ve been on and off serious for a couple of years now,” she couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“I’m so happy for you, my son.” You could hear the happiness in Annabelle’s voice as she spoke. 

“I haven’t even asked her yet but I’d like to think my changes are pretty good.” He’s happy. It’s rare that John and May hear it in his voice but there’s something there that worries them too. 

“What about her Daddy?” Leave it up to John to bring up the interesting point and make May’s mind wonder. 

“If she hurts him, I’ll kill her.” 

_Never gonna be good enough._ There’s a sketch of the ring he bought her. It didn’t take much. A few odd jobs and one good bounty, it was fifty dollars. _Said she couldn’t be married to a man that didn’t wanna change. I tried for her, I did but I know that her Daddy had a lot to do with it. How are you gonna let someone get that close to you, let someone teach your little brother to ride a horse and shoot a gun but when it comes to where he got the money for a ring, it’s not good enough? Blood money she called it. It was good honest work._ He’s sitting on the ground, back against a log with the sun going down behind him. Arthur had made his camp several hours after she’d broken his heart. He wasn’t about to stay longer than his welcome. 

_No good outlaw. Never will amount to nothing. I swear, some of the things coming from his mouth was like listening to my own Pa again._ There’s a sniffle, the rim of his hat hiding his eyes. The little stream by his camp babbles a little as it runs over the rocks, he hears her horse even though she tries to be quiet. He’d know it was her anywhere. 

_I’m just trying to live my life the best way that I know how. To be the best man that I know how. I can’t help the cards that have been dealt to me in this life but I have to play the best hand I can. I thought that my love for her would be enough but apparently the pull that her Daddy has is stronger than anything that I can ever do for her._ The horse stops, reins being wrapped around a tree. Arthur still doesn’t look up but scribbles a little broken heart under the ring. 

_Never gonna be good enough._

May doesn’t say a word as she sits down on the log behind him, legs straddling either side of him. The journal closes, his body leans back against her, the hat falls low over his face. He allows those arms to wrap around him and he allows himself the comfort of someone that he knows he can truly trust. 

“You are good enough, Arthur.” 

And those soft words break the last strings of his resolve.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always welcome. ^_^  
> All mistakes are my own. 
> 
> Me Tumblr: https://sonofdutch9.tumblr.com/


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